so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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