So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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