ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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