dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
