I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
