we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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