yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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