A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
kristin has been a bad kristin
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
