70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
