He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
