I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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