I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
