I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
