why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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