He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
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I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize