All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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