I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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