they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
