tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
