Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
