hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
