You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
