Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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