gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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