I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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