Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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