Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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