I think I died a long time ago.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His hands were made for my vagina.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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