I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
