I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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