I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
