I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
