you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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