why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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