Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
