So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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