So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
