guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
