I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
