I smell stomach acid.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
