Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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