i just wanna soil my oats bro
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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