im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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