Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
