I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
