forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
