I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My bed smells like the plague
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
