Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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