I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
