I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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