Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
