I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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