Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
