so explain again why im purple
no
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
