I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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