you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
