a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
