so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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