I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just invented taco cereal.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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