I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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