Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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