I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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