OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You can't motorboat a personality
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
