and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
