so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
