my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
