I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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