When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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