why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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